The thing about my asshole

Please Note: The TotalFreedom Forum has now been put into a read-only mode. Total Freedom has now closed down and will not be returning in any way, shape or form. It has been a pleasure to lead this community and I wish you all the best for your futures.

    So I unfortunately have a problem. I had logged onto the server, and I noticed a pretty serious exploit. I was on the hub, and a player had been saying slurs. After being banned from the freedom servers, he continued to do so in the hubs. I banned him. A moment later, he continues saying the slurs. Now because I had just banned him, I thought this was a ghost. I was actually really caught off guard by this, and unfortunately I shit my pants while I was on my bed. Now, this wouldn't be a problem if those karens hadn't stolen all the toilet paper and I could actually clean up and wipe my ass and the sheets. What's bad is that earlier today I ate an entire pizza with hot sauce and spiced cheese, so my dump felt like my asshole was spitting out some itchy stinky cornflake lube. Now my buttcrack is really itchy and no matter how much I scratch it, it continues to itch badly. In fact it only gets worse as the microscopic flakes of dead skin around my puckered asshole make it unbearable. If this is Hell's punishment, then I repent for my sins. Please help me. My asshole itches, the toilet paper is gone, and my sheets are destroyed from when I buttered my biscuit. Would a lotion enema help? Thanks in advance.

    What if one day you woke up and your nipples were completely gone like no scars or anything, just flat skin and then once you leave your room you find out your dad died last night and then several days later, you find out that for your entire life your dad had been sneaking into your room while you slept and sucking on your chest to make to gigantic hickeys where your nipples should be because you were born without them not for any sexual reason, just so you would fit in
    god bless you dad

    @Ashaz#5410 What's this you've said to me, my good friend? Ill have you know I graduated top of my class in conflict resolution, and Ive been involved in numerous friendly discussions, and I have over 300 confirmed friends. I am trained in polite discussions and I'm the top mediator in the entire neighborhood. You are worth more to me than just another target. I hope we will come to have a friendship never before seen on this Earth. Don't you think you might be hurting someone's feelings saying that over the internet? Think about it, my friend. As we speak I am contacting my good friends across the USA and your P.O. box is being traced right now so you better prepare for the greeting cards, friend. The greeting cards that help you with your hate. You should look forward to it, friend. I can be anywhere, anytime for you, and I can calm you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my chess set. Not only am I extensively trained in conflict resolution, but I have access to the entire group of my friends and I will use them to their full extent to start our new friendship. If only you could have known what kindness and love your little comment was about to bring you, maybe you would have reached out sooner. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now we get to start a new friendship, you unique person. I will give you gifts and you might have a hard time keeping up. You're finally living, friend.

    I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either A...rnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.

    image.png

    the thing is to take a proper shit, you must have one of those cloth covers for toilet rims. they help make you feel comfy and it acts as a seat warmer