Hello. I am slightly drunk. Fuck you.
Disliked Opinion Time: I love ketchup on steak and everything else and fuck you.
No I'm not "destroying" the steak. No I'm not accepting "modest crappy steak". No I'm not a "bastard". No, I don't think it "overpowers" the flavor of the steak.
I like great ketchup, I like great steak, I like these things together.. Don't fucking give me that look of scorn.
I love pouring ketchup on spaghetti. I love microwaving ketchup and fucking drinking it. It is a thing I can't live without. It is my blood my flesh, my living and my death. It is my everything. Ketchup is everything. I will sacrifice millions to get 1 drop of ketchup. I do not care who is my partner, just that they provide me with ketchup.
I fucking love ketchup. It’s the greatest thing I have ever tasted. I love to get 10 ketchup packets and explode them in my mouth and let them sit there before slowly swallowing all of it. Ketchup is the only thing I have in my fridge. I eat it with every meal, and sometimes it is my meal. I love ketchup.
Sometimes, when I am sad, I get 2 slices of white bread and slather some heinz ketchup on it. I call it ketchup sandwich. Because I guess that's what it is, ketchup on bread. I also put ketchup on my pizza .I've often speculated that I only use these carbs as a vehicle, to deliver ketchup to my taste buds. I may start cutting them out, and simply eating a bottle of heinz tomato ketchup for every meal, without the breaks I normally have.
HAIL ketchup. It is the only thing worth living for and all else must be turned to dust.
I'm sexually attracted to ketchup.
I am tired of the stares the cashier and the nearby customers when I pop open that ketchup bottle and start chugging. I fucking paid for my ketchup and I can do whatever I want with it. Us ketchup-drinkers are oppressed by the constraints of society that deem ketchup drinking disgusting. Society actively hates ketchup drinkers. Think about it. The signs of oppression are all around you. Ketchup isn't sold as a beverage in stores. You can't buy bottles of ketchup from the vending machine. There are no ketchup fountains. The media likes to talk about how they're all so inclusive and so modern. they like to talk about how they protect and respect minorities and LGBT people. If you're so inclusive, then why don't you include ketchup drinkers in your attempts to spread social awareness? Why are there never campaigns to support ketchup drinkers? Why are there no laws protecting ketchup drinkers?
Where are my ketchup drinker pride badges? Where is the fucking laws on protecting ketchup drinkers?
Why can I not marry my fucking ketchup bottle? Why has society ruined this life so much?
I will hail ketchup. I snarl at the thought of ketchup not existing. Those who have told off lyicx for eating spaghetti with ketchup have crossed the fucking line . It is my ketchup my desire. I will bathe in it. I was born in it. I inhale it. It is my only thing. I have eaten ketchup and cereal, banana and ketchup. ketchup and milk. ketchup pickles. ketchup and fish. ketchup and chocolate. ketchup and spaghetti. ketchup and salad. ketchup and bread.
I will create a new society. ALL will hail ketchup. Ketchup is my fucking desire. I will bathe this world in ketchup. All who dare defy me will have their blood replaced with ketchup so they may feed my followers. I will hold this world in my hands and squeeze.
This feeling of hatred runs deep within me to those who dare insult ketchup. You dare insult the food of the gods? The creator of the universe? The maker of atoms?
I will hold an axe and chop you apart. Ketchup bleeds from me. I am ketchup.
My entire desire and creation was due to ketchup. I will trade my life for it.
Just last night I restocked my ketchup bottles in my fridge. There are 10 ketchup bottles in my fridge. I will post a fucking image just to prove it to people. My trash is ketchup. I consume. Melissa Ibbitson cant fucking do what I do. She consumes 75kgs of ketchup every year? Well mother fucker, I consume 130.
I am going to fucking consume eveyr single DROP and never be satisified. I will grow my tomatoes and make my own. This feeling of ketchup and ketchup only... its pleasure. I have ketchup bed sheets. Ketchup tshirts. Ketchup keychains. Walls of my apartment are red. red like heins ketchup. 😩
I will fucking die before i give this up. Most of my body is ketchup. I am ketchup.
Erin has told me my addiction is bad. Well fuck you erin. I will eat as much ketchup as possible.
I order ketchup from industry shops. From restaurant providers. I eat a restaurants worth. I love ketchup oh my god.
IT IS MY BLOOD. MY EVERYTHING. I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT IT AND WITHOUT IT I WILL DIE.
I want to consume every ketchup bottle. The bottle included. Every time i go to a restaurant and I see ketchup packets laid before me I steal atleast 20. I cannot be stopped. I am a vampire but of no blood.
I need to go drink ketchup some more now. goodbye
*edit: reasons why i like ketchup:
1) the smooth slick feeling. its actually the exact opposite of that. its sticky, feels gross and somehow is not sticky. perfect to use for sabotage
2) kechup
3) it can go on a hotdog
4) its hot
5: its sugar
7: i cant live without it.
23 I consume approximately 20 ketchup bottles in one and a half weeks.
