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With respect, just a month ago you decided to leave the community forever to return under a new identity, then that identity got exposed. You decided to continue as normal, before then swivelling around to deciding to spend 4 days telling everyone you were leaving the entire internet for good. You left with an angry txt document, then returned the next morning completely normal.
You also only have to go back as far as yesterday to having several staff members telling you to stop making drama worse. And even just a few months ago you left the entire server forever again. From what I've heard as well, you've left the server forever on other occasions as well.
There's the past, but everything I've mentioned is recent enough to be severely concerning. These types of impulsive behaviours seem like ragequits to me at times, and when you have the dangerous admin commands at your disposal and the responsibility that comes with serving the community, I don't think you can handle it.
I'm sorry, but I would rather you improve consistently and for a good amount of time before I feel you're trusted with the type of responsibility that comes with being an admin.