My parents have never been able to handle my emotional outbursts and breaks. I have been doing this for years even though i never mean to. I keep apologizing to them and they accept it, but after the last outburst they've distanced themselves from me. They love me but i think they can't handle me anymore. Ever since i got back from the hospital they arent speaking to me, and ignore me when I try to speak to them first. I have a therapist that's nice and I'd like to tell it to them, but my parents book them, they have the money and the car to go there in the first place.
I am very confused as to what to do. I don't know what I did, but i guess all the outbursts of crying and shouting and raging got to them. I'd like to not be disowned and thrown out of my house. I can't afford antidepressants if they don't give me access to the money they left me in the bank. I get access only after I get my degree in an university and a proper job, but that's still a long time away. I don't know what to do.
I was never a properly "normal" child, and after the autism diagnosis they did distance themselves away from me a little bit. But now they won't speak to me, or even give me any food from their dinner and I have to make food for myself. I'm worried. I still hear them talk to my brothers but not me. Has my repeated mental breakdowns crossed a line?
I do not have any friends or people i know that would let me crash on their couch, and i can't rent with someone else because making flower pots only covers basic grocery money. I've been trying to improve as a person, but life doesnt seem to be permitting it.
Could anyone give me advice? Maybe an app or some sort for money for errands?
Edit: I thought about commissions from art but i think i'm not at that level yet.
