hey. before i begin I would like to say I got strong sedatives, and that emotional outburst will probably not happen again.
lets get onto the main things: no, that was not attention seeking.
It was just the result of 3-2 days interrupted sleep and small food combined with passiflora extract.
However I am not blaming all of it on that. Most of it is on me. At first I thought I should wait for 4 months, but keeping silent after taking my shit and leaving people in the dark is mostly a childish temper tantrum, like what happened yesterday.
In honesty, a suspension is well deserved. I will try to learn from my mistakes.
I would like to apologize to nick, shdwo, red, shyrix and anyone else I hurt. Well, more like stomped on.
I will not be welcomed back with open arms and im perfectly aware. I insulted admins higher than me, tried attacking their weak spots, went on insane rambles like a maniac, proceeded to throw every admin under the bus, spammed the chat, did not do my job, told people i'm never coming back only to come back the next day as if nothing happened.
Acted like an attention whore actually. A tiny little child screaming about stupid shit. But atleast I'm in sound mind now after sleep and proper sedatives in a controlled enviroment rather than taking things randomly.
im just telling it to let you guys know i didnt just put it out there then leave. I'm perfectly fine now, although I will be rather useless as an op. I am not trying to pull an emotional manipulation, because honestly? All that DEFINITELY deserved a suspension. That much disrespect from an admin with no form of experience other than being an emotional guy is just a really stupid mistake. But know that I'm emotionally attached to the server and I can't find anything to do in life without it, even if it sounds pathetic.
I don't care if i'm mocked or ridiculed, I just want to play on the server again.
Elmon posted my suspension while I was writing this, so I had to change deserves to deserved.
The sedatives I have are close to xanax, around the same effect. I am taking them with moderation and doctor's notice. This way no more outbursts will happen and I will also be calmer. I've already apologized to most people I can, but I think nick's right. I dont think wasting time on me is really worth it, which is why I'm going to fix my mistakes alone. Thats all I can say really
